What motivates me?

People decide to lose weight for many reasons. Maybe the Doctor told them they would die if they didn't. Maybe they want to see their kids get married. Maybe it's career driven. Maybe it's a vanity reason. Maybe they don't want to be the "Fat Friend". To be honest, my reason is all of the above. Though, I've never been told by my doctor that if I didn't lose weight I would die, it has been implied. Both of my parents were diagnosed with Diabetes last year, so I really need to start taking an active interest in my lifestyle. I want to be there for my Daughter and any future children. I want to be there for my Husband. I want to be able to go on trips with him to Italy, or Greece, when we are 50 or 60. I would hate to leave him, making him a widower because I was too lazy, or cared about food more than my health. As far as my career goes, getting a decent role as a plus size actor is ridiculous. I mean it is seriously laughable. But I know there are parts out there, and directors who are not hung up on size for a role, so I keep going. However, my chances would be trippled if I trimmed my waistline.

I have a best girlfriend and she has been losing weight for some months now. She is now very close to 250. She works out everyday, and is on this expensive diet plan. She's seeing results and I'm seeing her results. While I'm not generally a jealous person, I sometimes can feel jaded. I want to be doing it too, it's just so hard to keep up with her results, when we are not on the same plan, and not on the same schedule. I refuse to be her "Fat Friend". It's not a competion, because I love her, and I want her to be happy, but I repeat, I AM NOT GOING TO BE HER "FAT FRIEND".

Now, I am not a vain person, but I had a dream once that I wore a red dress and was turning heads, and my husband was ready to beat up a guy for staring at me. LOL! Would that really be so bad? LOL! No, but in all seriousness, I want my husband to feel like his wife is HOT! Bangin'! A Dime! I'm just saying! LOL! I know he thinks I'm beautiful, and he's proud that I am his wife, but those feelings can be hightened. I want them to be hightened. So there's my motivation in a nutshell. There's why I'm jumping on this crazy journey I call the 200lb challenge.