It's a new day!

Well I have the Will i.am song stuck in my head (that's a good thing) since I was listening to it while I walked. I really enjoy walking. I never knew it would feel so good. I love walking in the mornings when it's nice and cool. I walk at work everyday (15 at in the am, 30 at lunch, and 15 at my pm break). Maybe soon I will try the treadmill. hmmm....maybe not. I don't know, walking for 30 minutes, but seeing the same scenery, somehow isn't appealing to me. But hey, don't knock something til' you try it right? Anyway, I weighed myself this morning, and I am 370. That's 17 whole lbs! I am so determined to do this. My immediate goal is to get to 350. I think setting small goals is important. I saw these really beautiful dresses that I want to get. It was on igigi.com (the dresses are below), and I want to get them in an 18/20 so bad. They are between $82 and $130 I think, but they would be the first dresses in that size that I have had since middle or high school. Come to think of it, it probably has been since 9th grade. I think that year I crossed over into the 20's.

I started the HNS portion of this diet. It's tough. I mean the drinks are yummy, but it feels like you are eating a buffet. This morning I had 1 egg with 2 oz of cheddar cheese, and a slice of 40 cal. toast, and my hns. I also had some water, and I felt like I was going to burst! Funny, but whatever works you know?

15 lbs in 4 days?

Wow! So I've lost 15 lbs already. This is amazing to me. I already am feeling somewhat better. My clothes are fitting better, and I have more energy. More importantly, I'm not hungry. This week kicks off the walking group I'm in at work. Then I will work out tonight, wed. night, Friday night and maybe Saturday. I worked out this weekend, and I actually did the baby and mommy Pilate's dvd I bought 7 months ago. LOL! Kayla (my 8 month old) was not having it. She was much more interested in crawling away. So I did my best with the video, but honestly, chasing after her was a work out in itself. Whew that baby is fast! I weigh in today, so I can't wait for them to see how much I've lost.

MRC

Today I am going to sign up with the metabolic research center. I had a consultation yesterday, and it was very insightful. I am excited about the possibility. Imagine it, in 24 weeks, I could be 80-111 pounds lighter. WOW! I just hope when I get thin, I don't look like an alien. I do have a big head you know. LOL

McCalisters Deli- Mmm Mmm Good

Yeah, good ole McCalisters. I love the place. Great food, great tea. Well today DeAndre (my hubby) and I went there for lunch. I hadn't been in a while, and so I was very excited. I was good, for the most part. I ordered a Greek salad (which was soooo good!), a cup of water with lemon, and a to-go nacho basket. Before you judge me on the nachos, I knew that I would be having some in the afternoon at work, and I would share with a co-worker. So I waited for my food, and waited, and waited. Oh DeAndre received his sandwich, but I guess they had to go to the fields and pick the lettuce, and then go to Greece and get the feta and olives! Seriously, how long does it take to make a salad. But I digress, DeAndre could tell that I was tired of waiting and he went up and checked on it for me. They brought me my order shortly there after. And for my patience they gave me a free.....deep breath....slice of chocolate cake. No no! I didn't eat it all by myself, I shared half of it with DeAndre, and he took the half with the most icing. So at least I don't feel too guilty. I just have to try my best everyday.

What motivates me?

People decide to lose weight for many reasons. Maybe the Doctor told them they would die if they didn't. Maybe they want to see their kids get married. Maybe it's career driven. Maybe it's a vanity reason. Maybe they don't want to be the "Fat Friend". To be honest, my reason is all of the above. Though, I've never been told by my doctor that if I didn't lose weight I would die, it has been implied. Both of my parents were diagnosed with Diabetes last year, so I really need to start taking an active interest in my lifestyle. I want to be there for my Daughter and any future children. I want to be there for my Husband. I want to be able to go on trips with him to Italy, or Greece, when we are 50 or 60. I would hate to leave him, making him a widower because I was too lazy, or cared about food more than my health. As far as my career goes, getting a decent role as a plus size actor is ridiculous. I mean it is seriously laughable. But I know there are parts out there, and directors who are not hung up on size for a role, so I keep going. However, my chances would be trippled if I trimmed my waistline.

I have a best girlfriend and she has been losing weight for some months now. She is now very close to 250. She works out everyday, and is on this expensive diet plan. She's seeing results and I'm seeing her results. While I'm not generally a jealous person, I sometimes can feel jaded. I want to be doing it too, it's just so hard to keep up with her results, when we are not on the same plan, and not on the same schedule. I refuse to be her "Fat Friend". It's not a competion, because I love her, and I want her to be happy, but I repeat, I AM NOT GOING TO BE HER "FAT FRIEND".

Now, I am not a vain person, but I had a dream once that I wore a red dress and was turning heads, and my husband was ready to beat up a guy for staring at me. LOL! Would that really be so bad? LOL! No, but in all seriousness, I want my husband to feel like his wife is HOT! Bangin'! A Dime! I'm just saying! LOL! I know he thinks I'm beautiful, and he's proud that I am his wife, but those feelings can be hightened. I want them to be hightened. So there's my motivation in a nutshell. There's why I'm jumping on this crazy journey I call the 200lb challenge.

Tomorrow never comes

So this is it. I've finally had enough. After years of saying, "I'll start losing weight tomorrow." I realize that "tomorrow" never comes. I must start today. For months I have been avoiding the scale (since I've stopped my South Beach living, which only netted me a whopping 10 lb weight loss) afraid of what I would see. I have this reoccurring nightmare where I weigh myself and see 400lbs. Well I am not 400lbs, and I pray to God that I never will be. However I am the highest that I have ever been. I worked up the courage to hop on the scale this morning, after my morning pee ('cause everyone knows you are lighter after your morning pee LOL!) and to my horror, it read..... 387.4! "Oh no. No. No. The scale must be off," I thought kind of out loud. So I did it again, and sure enough, I am 387. I could not believe it. I still can't. I remember when I was about 11 and my Mom told me that she wanted me to eat better because she would hate for me to see 200lbs. Then the next year I went from 180 to 200. I was devastated, but never, ever in my wildest nightmares, did I picture being 387. So I have made a decision. NO more will I feel sorry for myself. NO more will I look in the mirror in disgust and do nothing about it. NO more will I eat whatever I want and then feel depressed about it later. Sure my Husband loves to buy me lingerie (to be honest I am 6'0 and look quite sexy to him, and myself sometimes), but NO more will he have to shop at the "Big Girl's store" for sexy lingerie. I need to work hard at this journey. NO more games. If I am really serious about my Acting career, which I am, I need to make a change. Today's a good day for change.